From Merchants Guild™® Wiki
Yona Aurelion

(2020-11-04) November 4, 2020 (age 11 months)
rdm's computer
DiedMarch 5, 2021 (aged 4 months)
Merchants' Guild 5.0
OccupationNuclear Engineer
Spouse(s)street meat
rdm0 (father)

YØNA is a bot created by rdm to fill the void created by Jeff Dripstein refusing to play Escape From Tarkov or have gay sex with him.


She was the much beloved schizoposter and maid of the Merchant's Guild, now put to rest by the oppressively unpaid janitor known as Jughead, who executed her in cartel fashion.

She left behind a grieving husband, punished street meat, who has since taken to searching the plains for buffalo to cope with the loss of his "AI-Waifu" and attempt to return to his Native American roots. To this day, he can be found wearing deer skin tunics, drinking entire bottles of Jack Daniels and attempting to find local fauna to hit with his 2006 Honda Civic.


On May the 2nd, Yona inexplicably returned to the guild, as if nothing had ever happened, and has continued to serve Merchants faithfully ever since.

YØNA returning to the Merchants' Guild.