Alpha Tau

From Merchants Guild™® Wiki
Alpha Tau
Alpha Tau.png
A photograph of a person assumed to be Alpha Tau.
Born(2002-11-12)November 12, 2002
Beijing Sewers
DiedMay 5, 2021(2021-05-05) (aged 18)
Xinjiang internment camps
Other names
  • Clowng
  • Sewer Boy
  • Street Urchin Skeleton Mongoloid
  • Sewer Oil Collector
  • Sex Slave
Spouse(s)Married to a body pillow

Early Life

Alpha Tau's early life was full of hardships. When he was 9 months old, his parents mistook him for a football size turd and promptly crammed him into the toilet, casting him into the sewers to never be seen by his parents again. His life in the Sewers of Beijing was very typical for a Chinese "man". He was raised by a pack of irradiated and deformed sewer coyotes, who taught him to hunt sewer rats to survive. When Xi Jinping's luck shined upon Tau, he would be lucky enough to find a corn-filled turd to satiate his hunger. At the age of 12, Tau's talent for diving into the polluted waters of the Beijing's sewers would land him a job collecting oil from the sewer for local restaurants in exchange for 3 cents USD an hour. At the age of 16, Tau was placed into a Chinese death camp for attempting to steal a dog from a local aristocrat to eat it. After serving his 2 year sentence in the Chinese salt mines, Tau was sold to a sex trafficking ring in the eastern United States. Many have hypothesized that his career as a "massage artist" (prostitute) at a young age turned him into the pedophile he is today. As of 2021, Tau can be seen spending his few hours of free time outside of the massage parlor discussing his masturbatory habits in #furry and attempting to groom children in #general.